“Fixer Upper,” in my opinion, is my best song. The whole thing was written, start to finish, in under twenty minutes. I was sitting alone in my cabin in Santa Cruz in December of 2019 when I felt the sudden need to write the story of how my partner (at the time) and I had fallen in love. At this point we had been together for five years but for some reason I had never written about how we met.
Our story started in Los Angeles. I was 20 years old, he was 23. We had been working on music together for about a year, recording albums and trying to get my band off and running in the scene there. There was one day in particular where all of the sudden it clicked - which is what the first verse describes. At the time, let’s just say it was taboo for us to be together. We tried to rationalize our emotions and fight the feelings because in order to be together we would have had to basically throw dynamite into the middle of our lives and my band- which of course we ended up doing. The imagery used in the song describes LA. The “canyon” refers to Laurel Canyon - we used to free fall down those hills in his 78 Datsun. The endless rows of palms in the San Fernando Valley, the waves on the beaches in Malibu. The album I refer to in verse two is “AM” by Arctic Monkeys. But most importantly, I used the term “Fixer Upper” for myself because at that time I was very broken. I had been in a relationship previously that was extremely toxic and he helped me out of it, as a friend. The parallel meaning is also that he was/is an extremely handy person. He was always drawn to run down cars, houses, and things that he could rebuild with his hands. We ended up leaving our lives in LA and running away to Santa Cruz where we could be together - although that did not come without repercussions. This love story did not have a fairy tale ending but I am so grateful to have shared those pivotal years of my twenties “growing up,” so to speak, with this person.
Recording this song was very cathartic for me. What once was a song soaked in love and nostalgia turned into a melancholy memoir of our relationship. Sometimes I joke and say that my punishment for all the mistakes I made in that relationship would be that I have to play this song for the rest of my life - and his would be that he has to hear it! All jokes aside, it still remains one of my favorite songs. Will and Michelle (the producers) and the whole team of musicians and engineers cared for this song gently and really captured the magic within it. I am so grateful for that.
After finishing the song in December of 2019 I sat back and looked at it in awe. It is ironic that only six months after writing it we would end our five and a half year relationship. It doesn’t feel coincidental. Songwriters reading this will understand the feeling of not even having written it - but just simply being the vessel in the right place at the right time. It was my honor to be the one to bring it to life.
Fixer Upper
Verse 1:
When you stand there it takes the air
Right out of this whole room
I can’t help but spin this chair
And stare down at my shoes
Pre Chorus 1:
Maybe we should leave
Take a walk, shake it off
Maybe grab a coffee or tea
Drive around some neighborhood
To put our hearts at ease
Cause I feel too high, coming up
On nothing but you
It’s not the caffeine
It’s your messy hair
And the gap between your teeth
Chorus 1:
Let’s fall down this canyon
You can be my soft landing
I’ve never had it so easy
Let me be your broken lover
I know you like a fixer upper
Oh I promise I won’t leave
Verse 2:
Streets with endless palms
Go on and on so we repeat
This album we have on
Where every song tells our whole story
Pre-Chorus 2:
Hey babe what do you say
we get out of town
Maybe go and look at the waves
Get a little space from this place
To put our minds at ease
I’ll watch you stack rocks
I’m doing everything that I can
Just to squeeze this moment
Into my box of memories
Chorus 2:
Let’s fall down this mountain
You can be my soft landing
I’ve never had it so easy
Let me be your broken lover
I know you like a fixer upper
Oh I promise I won’t leave
Bridge:
We’ll spend the night on this cold
November beach
Safe from the fire we set
To the valley
We’d leave and never look back
If it was up to me
But you always make me do the right thing
Chorus 3:
We’re falling down this canyon
You can be my companion
I’ve never had it so easy
Let me be your broken lover
I know you like a fixer upper
Oh I promise I won’t leave
I won’t leave
I won’t leave
Written by Taylor Rae
Fixer Upper lyrics © TaylorRaeMusic (ASCAP)
