Mad Twenties - Song Story #11: “Wait and See”

This song was sparked by a little rumor I heard. There was someone out in the world whom I had never met, but who always caught my eye on social media and whatnot. Not in a way where I would ever act on it, obviously, but someone who just always seemed interesting to me. (ie: The “Something Familiar” song story.) 

After the break-up from hell, I was a puddle of a human. Shell-like. One day, out of the blue, a mutual friend mentioned that this person had shown some interest in me. I was shocked they even knew who I was. At the time I was nowhere even remotely close to romanticizing the idea of spending time with anyone. I had nothing to give and was still processing a mountain of grief. However, I was intrigued. 

Nobody knows the space you take up in my head
I can’t forget what you said 
About me

Then the spark took on a little more momentum and I couldn't get this phrase I had heard out of my head. I noticed I was thinking about them a lot. I tried to convince myself that it was nothing and literally thought of every reason not to like this person. That didn’t work, but I knew there was nothing that could be done about it - so I wrote a song instead. 

My heart decided to go on right ahead
And fan your flame instead
Of bark up your tree

This is the newest song on the album. It was a full surrender to the path my life had taken. As much as I wanted to be healed and ready to move on, I was still completely emotionally unavailable. I would get excited at the prospect of new love but then realize that I still had a lot of work to do on my own before I could let anyone else in. 

I’m still 100 miles away
So there’s nothing left to do but wait
And see

After finishing the song, it was hard for me to sing. The second verse always brought me to tears. I so desperately wanted to feel better and to climb out of the rut I was in. I fantasized about the day that I wouldn’t wake up in pain.

Only time will tell
If I’ve done well
One day I’ll wake up in the morning
And I’ll feel like myself

It’s a song about being tired and weary but hopeful. This time in my life was a lesson in patience and seeking validation in my own self love practices - not from any outside sources. It was the first time I had chosen to honor myself and my space instead of distracting with what I knew could only be temporary. 

I can’t make no
Promises, oh
I got to do this on my own
Even if that means letting you go

Patience always pays off…

Oh the future is bright
When I see myself 
In your company

To me, this song represents acceptance. It acts as a beacon of hope at the end of a long, hard chapter and I love the way it rounds out the album. Recording this one was so fun because it was new enough that I had never played it with a band. A total blank canvas. It took on the life I always hoped it would. It has a laid back pocket, raspy, tired vocals and some fiery B3. All of my favorite things. 

Wait and See

Verse 1:

I’m so tired 
Of keeping up
I’ve been trying and trying 
It never feels like enough 

I don’t have time
So I let it slide 
Hoping one day 
I’ll find a way
To tow your line

Chorus:

Nobody knows
The space you take up in my head
I can’t forget what you said 
About me

My heart decided to go on right ahead 
And fan your flame instead
Of bark up your tree

Oh the future is bright 
When I see myself in your company
But I’m still 100 miles away 
So there’s nothing left to do but wait 
And see 

Verse 2:

Only time will tell 
If I’ve done well
One day I’ll wake up in the morning 
And I'll feel like myself 

It’d be easier to stay 
In my same old ways
I’ll do the work to make a change 
Maybe then, oh, I can meet you halfway

Chorus:

Cause nobody knows
The space you take up in my head
I can’t forget what you said 
About me

My heart decided to go on right ahead 
And fan your flame instead
Of bark up your tree

Oh the future is bright 
When I see myself in your company
But I’m still 100 miles away 
So there’s nothing left to do but wait 
And see 

Bridge:

I can’t make no promises 
Oh I gotta do this on my own
Even if that means letting you go 

Chorus:

Cause nobody knows
The space you take up in my head
I can’t forget what you said 
About me

My heart decided to go on right ahead 
And fan your flame instead
Of bark up your tree

Oh the future is bright 
When I see myself in your company
But I’m still 100 miles away 
So there’s nothing left to do but wait 
And see

Written by Taylor Rae

Wait and See lyrics © TaylorRaeMusic (ASCAP)